Sisters

I remember holding Phoebe, willing her eyes to open just one time.  I want to hear just one cry.  I wanted to see her take just one breath.  I remember how it was painful to look down and see her body rise and fall with every breath that I made, thinking that maybe it was her lungs that were being filled with air, not mine.

 What would she be like if her spirit filled her earthly body?  If what I felt in that birthing room was any indication of who Rebecca Phoebe is, one word.  Majestic.  I knew then, as I know now, it was a privilege to give her her earthly body.

I also new that we were to have another baby.  The thought of going through this entire process again filled me dread.  Could I have enough faith to trust that I would be able to have another baby to have and hold in this life?  How would I feel about Phoebe if I did have another baby?  Was I trying to "fill the hole"? 

Savannah Carroll was born perfect.  Perfectly healthy.  I heard her cry.  I saw her eyes.  I saw her breathe.  I felt like my heart was going to burst again.  But this time, it was for joy.  I would look at her, and I knew Savannah had just had a heavenly goodbye from a sister that loves us all dearly.  The love in that room was tangible. 

I have three beautiful girls now.  The more I go through life, I realize what a blessing it is to have our own angel on the other side to watch, love, and protect her siblings as they go through this life. 

Welcome Savannah, and thank you Phoebe.