My side of the story: By Phoebe's oldest brother

When my tiny baby sister died I was devastated but let me introduce myself.  I am Ammon.  I was nine when my sister died in April 2008.

It all started when my mom announced we were going to have a baby and are going to keep it a secret.  All of us were as excited as children on a new playground.  I was desperately wanting a girl because I only had one sister and three brothers.  Every time my mom went to the doctors we watched how the baby grew.  Slowly days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and it was time for my mom to have a baby.  I was highly anticipating a girl.  I wanted to see the baby like a caterpillar wants to be a butterfly.  I was finally old enough to understand babies.  When my mom called to tell me that she died, I was heartbroken.

     I took it hard. I was bawling in my room like there was no tomorrow. Her name was Rebecca Phoebe Michel but we called her Phoebe. To make things worse, I didn’t get to see her in the hospital. The family was devastated because all that hope and anticipation turned into yearning and despair. Luckily we had a friend who worked in the morgue so we set up a day to see her. We all chose something that we wanted to put in her casket. I chose a pink rock that I liked and now it’s Phoebe’s.

When the day finally arrived we all went into this room where she was. I put the rock in her hand. After some of my younger siblings left the room I got to hold her. I was crying the whole time I held her. When we left it was a bittersweet moment. A few days later the funeral was held. I wasn’t even glad I missed a day of school. It was threatening to rain but it didn’t. It was a bleak and gloomy day. I didn’t even know how I was going to handle school.

   School was a little easier than expected. The principal let me see the school psychologist so I could get my feelings out without interrupting the class. The only problem was that I was really sensitive. Almost anything set me off.  On the day after Phoebe’s funeral, I spent most of the day with him because he was great at making me feel better. He even bought a heat sensed pencil from the school store for me. I ate lunch with him too. When I came home that first day, I saw a build-a-bear in the family room. My mom explained to me that that was phoebe’s bear. I got to sleep with it that night and let me tell you, I loved it.  The bear helped me feel comfort and peace. It is amazing what one bear can do. School got easier and the visits got less and less. I still miss her and it was hard, but our family pulled though. This helped our family bond together.

I’m Ammon and I’m 11.  I miss my sister and always will.