Christmas Day. Covered with snow. Deeply buried in my heart.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Movement
Tonight I felt Phoebe's sister move inside of me. My heart did another leap as I realized the hope for what is to come. I had a little "scare" this morning as I awoke. I settled the kids who woke before the sun, and crawled back into bed for a few more minutes of rest. I realized I hadn't felt the baby. My thoughts turned immediatetly to several different flashbacks of memories that are sometimes to painful to remember.
I instantly turned my thoughts heavenward and pleaded to feel her move. I told myself over and over to remain calm. I was lying on my left side, so I cradled my hand at the base and waited. And prayed. And waited. Within a minute or so, I felt a little tickle, almost as if she was holding my hand on the other side. She tickled a little more, and then gave a nice wallop, probably a foot, on the opposite end. Movement is everything.
Another plea answered.
There has been a lot of pleading going on in our home to our Father above lately. Sweet 3, 5, 6, 8, and 10 year old prayers, each in their own way, beseeching for those things that weigh heavy on their sweet little hearts.
As they plead to the Father of their spirits, I am witnessing a movement in their faith. As they realize that every prayer they make, Heavenly Father has answered. Oh, to have the faith like theirs. I want to have the "faith like the galaxy" as one of my sons put it the other day when they pray with all their hearts, you know why? Because those prayers of theirs was answered.
Movement for me is more than a physical reminder that this life inside of me is hope for things to come, it is the realization that we are either moving towards something or away. I feel the movement of things in our life that is pushing us to new growth. A time that will ultimately make our family stronger to withstand the winds that blow and the storms that will pound upon us. A trust that all will work out for our good.
As I lay watching my round, moving stomach tonight, I am thankful for the reminder. Life is precious. Don't take it for granted. And trust the process.
I instantly turned my thoughts heavenward and pleaded to feel her move. I told myself over and over to remain calm. I was lying on my left side, so I cradled my hand at the base and waited. And prayed. And waited. Within a minute or so, I felt a little tickle, almost as if she was holding my hand on the other side. She tickled a little more, and then gave a nice wallop, probably a foot, on the opposite end. Movement is everything.
Another plea answered.
There has been a lot of pleading going on in our home to our Father above lately. Sweet 3, 5, 6, 8, and 10 year old prayers, each in their own way, beseeching for those things that weigh heavy on their sweet little hearts.
As they plead to the Father of their spirits, I am witnessing a movement in their faith. As they realize that every prayer they make, Heavenly Father has answered. Oh, to have the faith like theirs. I want to have the "faith like the galaxy" as one of my sons put it the other day when they pray with all their hearts, you know why? Because those prayers of theirs was answered.
Movement for me is more than a physical reminder that this life inside of me is hope for things to come, it is the realization that we are either moving towards something or away. I feel the movement of things in our life that is pushing us to new growth. A time that will ultimately make our family stronger to withstand the winds that blow and the storms that will pound upon us. A trust that all will work out for our good.
As I lay watching my round, moving stomach tonight, I am thankful for the reminder. Life is precious. Don't take it for granted. And trust the process.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Partners?
My pregnancy with Phoebe didn't seem all that different than the one before. Early contractions started around 27 weeks, a couple of weeks sooner than the others had started, but other than that, everything seemed okay. I was determined to be the super woman mom and wife despite the setback of contractions. I did not want to make any "walks of shame" away from the hospital when they send you home saying "drink more, and get rest".... I still exercised and even hosted Thanksgiving with over 20 people.
I made a walk, not necessarily a walk of shame, but a walk in complete bewilderment. Could I have done anything different to have changed the outcome? Could I have slowed down or come in to the doctor more? I have had enough witnesses to let me know that she was not mine to have in this life.
And yet here I am, 27 weeks pregnant with her sister, and have already been to the hospital once. Contractions started at 25 weeks this time. This was my greatest fear when thinking about having another little one. Are these little girls partners in trying to make me stronger? Stronger in faith that there is a Father in control? Stronger in the resolve to do all I can to hold a breathing baby again?
Are they partners in heaven constantly watching over our struggling family, planning on how one will be helping on the other side of the veil while the other helps on the other? Heaven knows I need all the help I can get!
One step at a time....
I made a walk, not necessarily a walk of shame, but a walk in complete bewilderment. Could I have done anything different to have changed the outcome? Could I have slowed down or come in to the doctor more? I have had enough witnesses to let me know that she was not mine to have in this life.
And yet here I am, 27 weeks pregnant with her sister, and have already been to the hospital once. Contractions started at 25 weeks this time. This was my greatest fear when thinking about having another little one. Are these little girls partners in trying to make me stronger? Stronger in faith that there is a Father in control? Stronger in the resolve to do all I can to hold a breathing baby again?
Are they partners in heaven constantly watching over our struggling family, planning on how one will be helping on the other side of the veil while the other helps on the other? Heaven knows I need all the help I can get!
One step at a time....
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