Progress

These last few months I have been growing up. Almost like Wendy leaving Neverland, I've had to learn how to get back in the real world.

I have learned that it's okay to be happy and that's it's okay to be sad. More importantly, I kept telling myself that I was still grieving deeply, and I have, yet somehow, I wouldn't let myself believe that I really was making progress. That I really was accepting that I had once carried a sweet baby for a time, and now have a heavenly angel instead. I AM making progress.

I wish I could relay to you all that I have learned. I wish I could express in some form how much I have now come to realize how much in control my Father in Heaven is.

I have 90% of Phoebe's scrapbook completed. It is a bittersweet thing to work on for me. I want to finish it so that I can have some closure and yet at the same time, this is all I will ever have to do. As I was going through pictures on my computer, I noticed that some didn't get printed off. It was almost as if I was given another opportunity to have something else to "do" for my daughter. I am really pleased with the way the scrapbook has turned out and have felt very guided as I've made it.

There have been many things that have been instrumental in helping me progress. I have the support of my family and friends. I still have the support of my ward... they are amazing! Since the eve of my daughter's funeral I have been listening to Mindy Gledhill's "The Sum of All Grace" what a HUGE blessing this has been in my life. Many times her lyrics have started me thinking of certain things that I need to either have faith in, to remember, or to even learn more about.

I have an opportunity to meet her. I am so excited! But dinner is done, dad is home, so I will tell you more about it later!